I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
