I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
