Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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