And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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