Soap is not a condiment
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize