so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
