I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize