Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
