Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
