Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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