hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
