When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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