In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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