Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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