I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
