I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I want her autograph on my taint
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
