At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
