Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
