It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
