Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
ok first of all what the fuck
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
