Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
