I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
