when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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