would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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