When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
