i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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