i don't plan on having that self control this summer
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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