So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
