Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
