Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
