this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
