put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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