OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
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