I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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