Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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