we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
