They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
