You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
