whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
