I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize