I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
