Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
