Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Help me help you realize you are a moron
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
