If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
