Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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