You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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