He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
