Just cropdusted the office
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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