from now on my penis is your penis
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Randomize
