My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
