oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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