i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
