this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
