i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
