His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
