Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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