we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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