I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
