He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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