Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize