I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Fuck appropriateness.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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