he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
