I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
