This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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