the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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