how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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