Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
