Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
