this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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