You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
