Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
