I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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