I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
