dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize