weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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