sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
